Give the Ear Back
Pity Party
For a long time, I couldn’t understand why I was so easily offended. I held on to every negative interaction that came my way. Why would she say that? Why would he think that I’d do that? What have I done to be treated this way? I could not understand why people operated the way they did. I felt I was villainized more times than I was comfortable with. Every time I sought advice on this, the resolution was to “be the bigger person” and either (1) forgive and forget (2) apologize, or (3) something else I was equally annoyed to hear.
I couldn’t bear it. Why did everyone seem obtuse towards my feelings? Why can’t they understand how their words and actions (or lack thereof) affect me? But I had to know how my words and actions affected them. None of it seemed fair. It was easy to throw myself a pity party with candles, cake, and a car as a present.
Hurt, hurt, hurt. I was hurt. No matter the weight of the tiff I found myself in, big or small, I found a way to be emotionally bruised. I couldn’t, for the life of me, not internalize every emotionally heightened run-in I had with someone else. How miserable.
My internalization sounded like “Here we go again, another person preparing to defame and villainize me even though I did/said/posted this from a pure place. No one understands me”. It was utterly tiring. It sucked to stockpile feelings like this nearly every day. One night I had enough. I asked God “Hey, why am I like this? I don’t like it. Get me out of this mindset before I go insane. Thanks.” I opened up my Bible and it wasn’t long before I started laughing.
As usual, I encourage you to read the Bible for yourself before, during, or after reading this post!
Good Ol’ Pete
Something in me identified with Peter, the disciple of Jesus. Peter and I are two peas in a pod. We’d make a great team during a debate. We are opinionated, a little too proud, sometimes combative for the wrong reasons, and desperate to be right so much so that we end up left. Under the right conditions, social anxiety is scared of us.
In the Garden of Gethsemane Peter had one job in which he barely got a C for his effort. In Matthew 26, Jesus had taken a few of his disciples, apparently the sleepiest of the bunch, to the Garden of Gethsemane before his arrest. At this point, Jesus has predicted his death three times so his disciples should have been expecting some commotion soon. But boy, walking around ancient Israel was tough- sandals too tight, air too stuffy, and Jesus just told Peter he would deny him three times. Talk about an emotional toll; a nap was needed.
Peter was one of four of the Garden Crew when Judas and a mob appeared. As planned, Judas planted a kiss on the cheek of Jesus, signifying the proper target for arrest- how intimate. One man reached out to grab Jesus, but not so fast!- THUNK. Peter took out his sword and chopped off the ear of that man. Even I have to sit back and say: that was incredibly extra, Peter. Coming from me, that says a whole lot. My interpretation is that Peter was offended and maybe a little confused. “Wait I’m sorry- how DARE you try to arrest Jesus. Do you know who he is?? Are you new here? And- And Judas??! YOU??!” I like to think he said this while wiping eye gunk from his nap away. Peter was offended and he instantly acted on it. He was reckless. We’ve all been reckless.
Peter’s use of his sword is how we use our tongues and let our negative feelings fester in our minds. We let our insecurities run wild. We are quick to take things personally and very slow to think. How backward of us. If Peter paused for a moment maybe he would’ve thought “This is the moment Jesus has been preparing us for during the last three years. The time is here.” The disciples knew the time would come for Jesus to be handed over, just like how we know disagreements and times of tension will arise.
God never promised us conflict-free lives. If we can agree that this is true then why are we so grossly under-prepared for the inevitable?
Severed Ears
We may not pierce people physically, but we certainly cut people off by the ear through our words and reactions. We yell. We get defensive. We might even give the silent treatment. We cut them off due to pride or fear. We want to be right. We’re desperate to be understood by others.
I wondered why Peter didn’t go for something more dire than the ear. I mean if you’re going to be bold then why not take a stab at his legs, or his arm, or his heart? He got to the ear. Then the Lord reminded me of something that made me chuckle. If you survived high school biology you would know that the ears are vital for…well… hearing, but more interestingly, balance. Cutting someone off by the ear is a destabilizing action, not only for them, but for you. You’ve not only cut off their ear, but you’ve planted grenades on the road that leads to righteousness. Now you are tiptoeing, bobbing and weaving, hardly walking straight because you just can’t stand what they’ve done or said.
Some of us are so comfortable in defense mode that we will make our beds there even if that means letting our pride run wild. We even go so far as to open our mouths to let the offending party know they’ve been thunked. That usually starts with “ How DARE you?” or something similar. We are not in a position to protect Jesus like Peter, but boy do we have an agenda to protect ourselves. We think we are our greatest line of defense. It’s time to learn that defending ourselves is not our job- it’s the Lord’s.
“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.”
Don’t Die
Matthew 26:52 is one of the most important verses of the story of Jesus’ arrest following verses 53 and 54. It says “ ‘Put your sword back in its place’, Jesus said to him. ‘for all who draw the sword will die by the sword’”.
Let that sink in. For all who draw the sword will die by the sword.
My brothers and sisters reading this post, if you live by the weapons of your offense, you will die by the weapons of your offense.
I know what you’re thinking: “Saige, you want me to be a rug. You want me to be a push-over, docile!”. No. Being unoffendable doesn’t mean you allow people to walk all over you. It means that you allow the respect you have for the Holy Spirit in them to override the flesh that takes over you. It doesn’t matter if they are truly in the wrong - if they purposefully misinterpret your words, lie about you, curse you, or hurt your feelings! And if they are not followers of Christ, then you need to respect the fact that they are children of God who succumb to the flesh like you and are still intensely loved by the Father just like you.
James 1:19-20 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires”. If A, more people were slow to speak, we’d have B, more people who are quick to listen. If A & B exist together then, C, we’d all be slower to anger. In this case, getting to C does show effort.
“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
The Keys
The key to being unoffendable is being slow to anger. Anger is that one feeling that slips through our fingers faster than we can comprehend. By the time we take 3 seconds to process the fact that we are angry, we’ve already acted on it! How dangerous it is to act on our feelings before we are even aware of what they are. The key to being slow to anger unlocks the doors of patience and humility. Proverbs 15:18 says “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel”. Don’t we all need a little more patience in our lives? Proverbs 16:32 says “ Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city”.
Humility is one of those words that strike me deeply. Humility is the core of being Christlike and one of the hardest things to practice. Philippians 2 says that Christ humbled himself, coming to this Earth as a servant, humbling Himself through obedience to the point of death on a cross. Our Lord and Savior has already done the hardest thing: humbling himself to take on our sins: past, present, and future. So in the tumultuous Christian pursuit of becoming more Christlike we are tasked with trying our hardest to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves”, considering “not his own interests, but rather the to the interest of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Trust me, behaving under the guidance of pride is never in anyone’s interest but being humble in heart, mind, and speech serves everyone.
Learning this will help you becomes less unoffendable, so you may live a happier, unoffendable life.
“When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.”
Pride is Ugly
Pride is the true enemy. Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”. Many of us can’t even admit that we have a problem with being easily offended, let alone recognize that we struggle with pride. I’m sure Peter would be a little taken aback by me using him as an example of pride but too many of us value being understood more than we value righteousness. Proverbs 18:2 says “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”. Yikes. That got me. You weren’t placed on this planet to be understood by others. You were placed on this planet to bring praise and honor to God through your love for the Son, Jesus Christ.
Don’t get me wrong, God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and, yes, a part of that is seeking to understand the complexities of your neighbor in pursuit of loving them. However, we are called firstly to love the Lord our God will all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Your love for Christ should be first- and your desire to be understood by humans second or honestly maybe last. What’s beautiful about this is that while you’re chasing people down or shutting people out, God, who understands us better than we understand ourselves is waiting for us to put our swords down and pay attention to Him. He doesn’t want us to die by the sword of our offense.
I can’t say that I know what Jesus thought during those last moments in the Garden, but I can’t help but imagine Jesus putting his head in his hand and saying “Peter, if only you could see what is happening. If only you could depend on my Word over your feelings”.
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.”
Brothers and sisters, don’t be loud and wrong. Walk through life without the weapons of offense. It’s too heavy to carry. Put your sword back into the sheath. And while you’re at it, throw the whole thing into the river. You don’t need it. Walk in freedom.
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